Harry Potter and Farewell

After we knew about the posting thingy, we decided to have a sort of farewell outing with my buddy; Aina, Intan, Laili and Nadia. In the end Aina couldnt make it couse she has few errands to be run at home and four of us went out.

Watch Harry Potter, not a really interesting one I would say compared to the previous ones.

What we really enjoyed was the moments we spent chatting with each other, wishing that those moments will run very slow and wont fade away.

Had lunch at Wendy's Times Square and later dinner atr La Bodega, Pavillion.

I commit my sins in Pavillion when I bought TWO shoes at one go at Charles&Keith Pavillion. they were so tempting that I cannot resist but to buy both of them.

Laili and I are going to Johor, Nadia stays in Selangor (she really hopes that she will get Klang) and Intan IS GOING TO SABAH! (Im definitely going to miss her, sob..sob...)

I think I will have to meet her again before she fly all the way to Borneo. There are so many things to talk about, and I dont think one day is enough for us..

Ummi

I was driving on the way back from settling the bills to gether with Ummi. Suddenly Ummi said:


Ummi : Kat Langkawi je bulan ni Ummi dah spend more than RM1k
Me : Wah!! Banyak nya??? Ummi sedekah kat Pakcik Ismail Group ke?
Ummi : Takla. Banyak spend kat Idaman Suri. Kat situ je dah lima ratus lebih
Me : Haa... beli pinggan la tu. Ummi beli apa lagi?
Ummi : Kat kedai A pulak hari tu Ummi beli kasut. Nampak murah jadi Ummi beli la
Me : Lagi Ummi beli apa?
Ummi : Kat kedai B pulak Ummi nampak handbag murah, tu yang Ummi beli.
Pastu kat airport ada hand luggage yang murah brand polo Ummi berkenan pulak tapi
kirim officemate suruh dia bawak balik.


Actually, it doesn't matter to me how much she spend or what she bought. It occurs to me that my dearest Mom has slowly switch to her shopping mode. It has been more than a year that she suffered since THE INCIDENT, which took away our happiness and all sorts of events leading to one another. She had no appetite towards food, lose so much weight, let alone to go shopping. We were mourning throughout the whole year, and the impact still hurt ten of us (Including Ummi) till today.

Hearing Ummi bought so many things makes me a bit relieved, knowing that she has now moved on and not hankering and harping on the incident. I knew she was crused to the ground so badly, yet she is tough and bounce back and try to make baby steps so that her children will not suffer like her.



I have to stop now. Tears is falling down even though the rain outside has stopped an hour ago.



All I want to say is I love you, Ummi.



And will always be,



Till the end of time, Insya Allah.



Nothing in the world can beat your position in my heart, not even Mr N..

Istikharah 140709

Mimpi yang mengiringi istikharah saya kali ini agak berlainan.

Ini kerana saya tidak melihatnya secara berdepan, akan tetapi, kami chatting di facebook. (heee... facebook occay)

Mr N mengajak saya untuk menemankannya ke 2 event yang berlainan, dan beliau menyatakan hasratnya itu melalui chat di FB. Akan tetapi message di facebook itu seolah-olah tertunda, kerana saya hanya mendapat tahu tentang pelawaannya itu selepas beberapa jam.

But still, it makes me smile this morning :)



p/s Mr N ke Perth hari ini. Kalau tidak kerana Tmah di Melbourne, mahu saja saya suruh dia tunggu di Perth Airport. Suruh Mami ikut sekali so that she can approve..

Tinggalkan Aku...

Kepada Encik C

Tolong jangan ganggu hidup saya lagi. Saya tak mampu lagi untuk berendam air mata setiap hari. Pengalaman ditipu hidup-hidup sepanjang 2 tahun lepas amat pahit untuk dikenang, apatah lagi untuk diulang.

Tidak.


Saya tidak sanggup lagi.


Tolong jangan tegur saya di Facebook mahupun YM apa lagi sms/call. Kerana saya tak akan angkat


Saya perlu melihat ke depan, dan hanya akan menoleh untuk mengimbau kenangan manis untuk mengukir senyuman di bibir, bukannya menoreh lagi luka di hati dengan mengungkit perkara yang pahit.


Dan saya yakin Mr N adalah masa depan saya.


Tak usahlah bertanya apa-apa lagi, kerana memang tiada apa lagi yang tinggal.

Istikharah 120709

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim


I felt so down the other day that I felt restless and I could not sleep that night. Been waiting on the facebook since Saturday, I have been worrying bout Mr N even though I knew in the first plce that he will be safe and sound.

That same night I did my Solat Taubat and Istikharah in tears, really hoping and praying that my wish wil be granted. Iwas even ready to let go of him if ALLAH does not allow me to do so. Since I have been dreaming of nightmares and embarrassing moments, I thought that night my dream would be the same.

But it was not.

Mr N appeared again in my dream.

This time, I dream I went somewhere with him in a car. I hardly remembered the dreams actually. What I can recall was that we were going somewhere back and fourth. I had to him somewhere, and then he was sending me and then I had to send him back again. When I asked him, "And now I have to send you back home right?"
Then he smiled. It was as if he did it purposely and his intention was to spend more time with me but that was just my feelings during that time.

One more thing that I remembered was he was very bubbly this time. As we were driving, we saw a Boeing 744 flying too low and I heard him complaining and uttered few technical terms. i dont understand but I just agreed with him.


Thats all that I can remember..


And the next day I smiled whole day, knowing that Allah has heard my prayers and now is a matter of time and HE wants to see whether I'm patient enough to wait for Mr Right to come.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhadulillah

After a few months of anxiety, nervousness and sleeplesss nights, one call to Bahagian Sekolah Rendah Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia answered my question that has been lingering in my mind for so long:

" Cik ditempatkan di Negeri Johor. Sila hubungi JPN Johor untuk dapatkan maklumat daerah dan sekolah. Terima Kasih."


VOILA!!!!! I'M BACK TO MY BIRTH TOWN!!!! (coz I've never lived there, but I was only born there)



Alhamdulillah, I am really greatful. This is my chance to get closer to my realtives back there in Johor. I still remembered I kept delaying and hesitate to book that free AirAsia ticket of KUL-JHB-KUL that I got. It happens that I went to this UK education fair and I got the ticket through a lucky draw. I got somewhere in March, but I kept delaying to claim and decide when to make a trip back to Johor. It didn't came across my mind that I will got posted there. I am really happy!!!! :)



Hopefully things will get well... as Pak Uteh went to JPN today in effort to get mepse to either Batu Pahat or Johor Bahru..



Alhamdulillah, I am really grateful, Ya Allah

Penantian itu satu penyeksaan

Bukannya berputus asa...

Tapi saya merasakan penantian yang lebih dari satu tahun ini

Perlu dihentikan, setidak-tidaknya ditangguhkan untuk sementara waktu

Kerana ada banyak perkara yang memerlukan perhatian yang lebih

Berbanding dengan hanya menjadi penunggu di facebook

Saya masih tidak mempunyai kekuatan itu, kerana semakin banyak istikharah yang dilakukan

Semakin tegar saya menghadap PC, menjadi penunggu Facebook (lagi, dan setiap hari)

Kekuatan ini dirasakan semakin berkurang, kesabaran ini juga semakin tipis


Tabahlah hati..



p/s masih tak berani memohon no hp

What a condensed (and jumbled up) dream

I think I should change this blog's name to 'my dream' as most of the posts describes about my dreams.

This time around, my dreams includes all the things that has been bothering me all the time: posting and Mr N. It starts as I got posted to a very rural school where I met Abg Matno (my senior). The transportation was so difficult that I had to ride a boat for a few hours and then only I reached that school. There were theree of us who got posted at the same school but apparently I couldnt remember who's the other two. The view from the school was spectacular, it was located on top of a hill and I could see waves hitting the rocks at the beach.

Then somehow appeared Mr N, he was wearing a suit (couldnt remember what color) we spent time around the island. We took a boat (or was it ferry?) , enjoyed the view throughout the cruise and he was smiling all the way. What was weird towards the end of the dream was that I was lying on the floor, and then I reach out my hands to Mr N to help me get out. He just stood still, I quickly remembered maybe because he was not my muhrim that I refused to hold my hand. In the end I got up by myself and I woke up form sleep too..


Thats all for now...

Anuar Zain

I went to Anuar Zain's Concert, Lelaki Ini at Istana Budaya just now.

It was such a great and perfect performance, complemented with Orkestra Simfoni Kebangsaan.

He is a first class performer with a great attitude, perfect interaction with the audience and of course powerful vocal capability. It was worth every single cent that I invested, every single cent that I fork out form my saving purposely to have a seat at the Grand Circle.

One thing that distracts me throughout the concert was: why do I saw Mr N's image at the screen at the back of the stage? Was it my imagination and why do I feel as if Anuar's song is speacially dedicated to me by Mr N?


And now I'm deeply in love.....
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.



... (with the music of course) :p

Update

One week has passed, I am now very happy with the progress that I have been waiting since the past whole one year. Right after I arrived home from Penang, I quickly open my facebook account, check emails and so fourth.

HE was there, online on facebook. . At first I hesitate to start a chat at him, but I tried my luck by conveying Salam to him. I didn't expect that he will respond, and another thing that shocked me was that he asked whether I have just arrived home from the BTN camp!
And now I feel like I'm in bubble, hanging in the air. I also asked him whther he was okay, about his flighgt schedule and all. As usual his reply will always be like , " semuanya berjalan lancar" kind of thing. And that was last week, Thursday June 25th.

Since then I have become the 'penunggu' of facebook. Seeing him online is enough to make me smile, let alone to see him updating his status! Whenever I have the courage I will try to start a chat with him, but when I'm not I will just be an observer from afar. One thing that i noticed, sometimes, he will reply quite late, then he will straight away sign out. I dont know what that means, but Im trying my best to think positive about it.

Another update: this morning I asked him about his experience of performing umrah, and he replied that he was very happy being there. I am happy too to here that, coz it shows that he did not perform it for the sake of just doing it. Other thing that sometimes makes me laugh was that his sisters will always try to criricize his facebook status (of course they were joking) cause I find him very patriotic and I would say that he is quite a classic movie lover. He watched a Hang tuah Movie (the P. Ramlee version) and put a status that relates to the idioms included in that movie.


Anyways, thats the progree for the time being. Will update more if there are still progress about it.

My prayer and istikharah will still be continued as usual...

Please grant all my wish, Ya Allah...